Do you have the problem of shyness? Would you like to overcome it?
If you have read my article ‘dealing with shyness’ you would have likely identified the reason why people get shy.
Most people become shy because they have ‘learnt’ it from experiences with people. Perhaps you have become very uncomfortable around others and self-conscious. Maybe you allow negative thoughts and expectations to affect the way you act. Shyness may have become a deep-rooted way of life for you.
Therefore, here are two important things you need to do:
Overcoming shyness will take time and effort. You will have to think and behave differently. You should not be concerned about if people around you are judging you. To be honest, they will probably busy thinking about what they will say or do. So think positively.
No one is perfect- We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Even someone who seems flawless- in every sense- makes mistakes. Perhaps they just know how to minimize or cover them. Work on building up your self- esteem.
Learn from your past mistakes but do not carry them with you. Remember that individuals have different opinions. People do not always agree. But the fact that someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean that they don’t like you as a person. No one succeeds at everything.
We all have some failures, but these can help us to make realistic goals for ourselves. Moreover, do not just accept all the labels others may put on you. Their assessment of you may be wrong. Neither should we evaluate others incorrectly- this is a cause of acting shyly.
Learning to adjust your thinking is one thing, but using what you have learned when dealing with other people is another. Nevertheless, you should try to make a start. Effort must be made to reach out and share yourself with others.
Learn to be sociable—to say “hello” and start a conversation. It can be as simple as comment on the weather, a remark on the situation around you, a question or a compliment. To keep the conversation going, show interest and listen! This will usually give you the clue for your next statement or question. Do not be discouraged if you have difficulty starting a conversation. The person who you are speaking to may be shyer than you are.
Also important in overcoming shyness are your bearing and the way you dress. These things have a lot to do with the image you project to others and how you feel about yourself. Try to look as good as possible but do not overdress. Just dress comfortably and make sure that your clothes are clean and pressed. Feeling that you are looking your best will help you feel more relaxed and enable you to concentrate on the conversation.
Your demeanour can also make you feel more confident. Stand straight—but be at ease. Keep an open posture; don’t cross your arms and legs or fold your hands. Look pleasant and smile. Maintain friendly eye contact and nod or verbally acknowledge what the other person says.
These suggestions may not come easy for you, especially at first. There will be times when you will feel discouraged and will want to withdraw again.
But remember: You have only 50 percent of the responsibility. The other half is up to the other person. If you slip-up in speech, don’t feel frustrated. If others laugh, learn to laugh with them.
In fact saying “That didn’t come out right” will help you to relax and continue with the conversation. Preparation and practice will help you cope with the stress and anxiety.
As you see the positive results of
your efforts, you will be even more encouraged to succeed. You can Overcome Shyness!
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