20 Questions to Ask Your Significant Other to Strengthen Your Bond

The right question(s) can open up a more meaningful connection. Here are 20 deep questions to ask your significant other to get to know them better. 

20 Questions to Ask Your Significant Other to Strengthen Your Bond


When you spend so much of your life with someone, you might find yourself having the same surface-level conversations everyday.


But have you ever thought of questions to ask your significant other that could make them smile and think for a few seconds?


You know, switch things up a bit?



While it’s important to ask those routine questions that help you know how your partner is, it’s also vital to ask questions that help you learn more about who your partner is.


With a little bit of thought, you can find the perfect conversation starters to help you get to know your partner better. The questions below are designed to help you connect in a fun way, while opening up to deeper topics that draw you closer together. 


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The Best Questions to Ask Your Significant Other 


Here are some of the best questions to ask your significant other to get to know each other better and strengthen your bond. 


1. What has been the greatest blessing in disguise in your life?


We all have moments in our life that may have shaped us in ways that we never expected. This question can give you insight into a past experience that your significant other holds dear. 


2. What’s the first thing you tend to notice about a person?


This is a question that can be lighthearted or deep, depending on the response. That’s what makes it interesting. Does your significant other first notice a person’s shoes? The way a person walks? Or how they connect with others in a room? Time to find out!


3. What do you value most in a friendship?


It’s well known that friendship is the foundation of any lasting relationship. This question can help you understand how your partner feels about their friendships and ways that you can draw close together as best friends. 


4. What would your perfect day look like?


It’s always useful to know the type of day your partner enjoys most - whether it’s a day of relaxation and pampering, or a day of adventure and exploration - in nature or in the city. With this knowledge, you can perhaps plan a fun day together. 


5. Which couple in our life do you wish to be either more like or nothing like? Explain. 


This thought-provoking question is one from the BestSelf Intimacy Deck, a pack of 150 prompts to spark deeper and more meaningful conversations. This question is very effective, because it helps you create a more vivid image of what your partner likes and doesn’t like in a relationship.


It also gives you a glimpse into your partner’s ideal relationship dynamic, by opening up their perspective on other relationships that you've encountered. 


6. If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?


Each person you meet likely has fascinating opinions and questions about events in history. What about your significant other? Is there an event in the history books that they just can’t wrap their head around? Is there a historical figure that they’d love to speak with, or an era they’d love to travel back in time to?


7. What did you learn about money from your parents? 


Have you wondered why your significant other has a certain approach to saving, spending, or investing? This question can help you understand how your partner’s perspective on money has developed over time. 


8. Tell me your life story in as much detail as possible, in five minutes. 


Even if you know someone quite well, it can be an interesting experience to hear them explain their life story. What are key milestones that your partner mentions? Take special note of things that you might have missed or that you never knew before. 


9. What’s something you like to do the old fashioned way?


With all of life’s modern conveniences, there are still things that we sometimes prefer to do the old-fashioned way. Would your partner rather write notes on paper or have them on a phone/computer app? Do they prefer online shopping or going to the store?


10. What is something you’re afraid to do but will do someday? 


Are you aware of your partner’s greatest fears, or obstacles that may be holding them back? A great follow-up to this question is: What would make you do it? Through meaningful conversations like this, you can motivate your partner to break down barriers and reach their full potential



Intimate Questions to Ask Your Partner 

Here are some questions that dig a little deeper...

11. What makes you feel appreciated?


You can’t read your partner’s mind, but you can find opportunities to let them express what makes them feel loved and valued in a relationship. This the question subtly provides the answer to another question: “What can I do to make you feel appreciated?”


12. Describe a situation where you lost trust in someone close to you. 


This deeply personal question helps you connect with your significant other through hearing about a time when they felt betrayed. As you learn to empathize with your partner’s feelings, you build a more intimate bond of trust


13. What do you like best about our relationship?


Showing appreciation is essential to building a healthy relationship. This question can lead to a bigger conversation about personality traits you admire in each other, unique aspects of your relationship, and your favourite memories together. 


14. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?


Have you recently been in a situation where you unintentionally said something that made your partner feel uncomfortable? A candid conversation like this can help you better understand and respect your partner’s thoughts and feelings, so you can avoid awkward situations in the future. 


15. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish in the next 5-10 years?


Working towards shared goals with your significant other can be a true source of joy and fulfillment. This question opens up the opportunity for you to:

  • Discover how your partner envisions your future together
  • Brainstorm new goals 
  • Create a plan of action

As they say, teamwork makes the dream work!


Questions to Ask Your Significant Other About Yourself 


The previous questions can provide you with various insights on what you can do to improve your relationship with your partner.


But here are some additional questions to ask your significant other about yourself, for a more direct approach:


16. What was your first impression of me?


Have you ever wondered what your partner thought about you when they first met you? It could be interesting to their recount of the story if you haven’t already. 


17. What are three qualities you admire about me?


This is another question that helps you bond as a couple. Are they the three qualities you expected? Be sure to also let your significant other know the three qualities you admire about them the most. 


18. How can I better support you?


It’s always encouraging to know that your partner is right by your side and ready to support you through the challenges of life. 


This is an important question to ask for two reasons. Firstly, it will help you understand the areas in which your significant other may be struggling at the moment. Secondly, you will receive practical suggestions on ways that you can become a better partner. 


19. Is there something that I need to be mindful of or stop doing?


It takes humility to ask questions like this, but such honest communication allows you to address potential problems before they escalate. Moreover, being aware of both your strengths and weaknesses enables you to be happier and more secure in your relationship.


20. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask me, but really want to know the answer to?


If you’re making a game of this experience, then this question is the wildcardIt’s a loving and thoughtful question, because it creates a non-judgemental environment for your partner to address any thoughts that have been nagging at their consciousness. Save this one for the end - after you’ve explored some fun and lighthearted questions, and you’re both ready to connect on a deeper level. 


Bonus: How Well Do You Know Me?


How well do you know your partner’s quirks, preferences, personal details, and habits?


Here are ten additional questions that help you test each other’s knowledge and discover things that you never know about each other before:


  1. What is my mother’s maiden name?
  2. What size shoe do I wear?
  3. Would I describe myself as an extrovert or introvert?
  4. What is one place I desperately want to travel to?
  5. What is my biggest pet peeve?
  6. What childhood memory do I always bring up?
  7. What is my favourite meal?
  8. What’s something that always cheers me up when I’m sad?
  9. What is my favorite song or artist?
  10. Who is my closest friend currently?

Planning with Your Significant Other

Food for Thought: The 3 Levels of Knowing Your Significant Other 


To make a meaningful connection with your significant other, you need to set aside time in your busy schedules to really talk to each other.


Why is this so important? Because as we mentioned earlier, being together all the time doesn’t necessarily mean you’re spending quality time together. 


Interestingly, in one study, Professor Dan McAdams of Northwestern University posed the question: "What do we know when we know a person?” 


Through his research, he discovered three levels of knowing a person, which are: 


  • Level I : The knowledge of a person’s general traits, such as how shy, sociable, intelligent, or empathetic someone is.

  • Level II: The knowledge of a person’s personal concerns, such as what motivates them, their coping strategies, their skills, and what they strive for in life. 

  • Level III: The knowledge of a person’s identity, including their inner story and perception of their past, present, and future, and the basis for their sense of purpose and meaning in life.

How do you move through these three levels? 


  • You can achieve Level I through a brief conversation with a stranger.
  • Level II is achieved when you spend time and share experiences with someone, such as a family member of a friend.
  • But Level III is a level of intimacy you can only reach through purposeful and deliberate conversation, with the kind of deep questions shown above. 

How to Use These Questions to Talk to Your Partner 


When having a deeper conversation with your partner, or trying out questions from the Intimacy Deck, you want to make sure to create a relaxed and calm atmosphere. 


The goal is to talk in a setting where you both feel comfortable and willing to open up with each other.


So if possible, find a quiet space and put your devices away so can truly be present in the moment. 


It’s worth noting that these questions are just conversation starters, so don’t feel tied down or pressured to cover all of them. You could even choose to cover just one or two questions during each setting, if that works better for you. 


Just remember to:

  • Take your time
  • Take turns answering each question
  • Enjoy the discussion, and see where it takes you!

You’ll likely find that the frank discussions that result from these thought-provoking questions help you re-learn your partner and draw you closer together.

 

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