We Want to Change People

If you would like, please feel free to listen to my rant here.

This blog post you are reading was conceived after I read a quote that I believe carried a great amount of truth.

So if you will, spend a few minutes with me, looking at something we tend to do when we make friends or become acquainted with new people.

We try to change them consciously, or subconsciously.

The Way We Try to Change People and The Beginning of Love

'The Beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.'

- Thomas Merton

First of all, let me just say - the above is pure beauty.

We all love to meet people that are just like us, but many times we start to take things too far.

As we become closer to someone, it seems apparent that our natural reaction is actually to bring out or critique the things that make them different from us, almost as if saying they should do it our way.

Granted some people do this on purpose. They demand that their friends be 'cool' like them and fit into the popular mindsets and sort of personality types that are generally presented in the media, because it makes them feel great.

Still though, there are a great number of us that are not seeking to create designer friends that will make us look good.

  • Yet subconsciously we try to change people every which way, and try to fine tune everything about them when we really could be embracing the things that makes us special, unique.

It is almost like a reflex action, as we are often influenced by movies and TV shows in deciding what our friends should like and dislike, what they should do in their spare time etc.

  • The beginning of love is to love someone perfectly for who they are and not to diminish the innocent traits they possess.

We need to stop making OUR OWN plans for OTHER PEOPLE'S  futures and how we believe we want their life to unfold.

We need to start acknowledging/crediting their opinion.

We need to see the value of the thoughts behind their decision, and the fact that they are also living breathing capable humans.


Have you ever seen those groups of friends that all seem to have the same hairstyles, drink the same beverage and dress almost identical?

As you notice this, you glance around and realize that all the other groups of friends are trying to wear that same media-feed image/trend.

Chances are, you have come across this before.

The thing is, when demand that our associates be EXACTLY like us (and the rest of the western demographic, for that matter), then we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them.

Sound pretty bad eh?

The main thought behind this post: Don't keep on criticizing your friends for their harmless but unique personality features. Don't make them feel bad about themselves or force them to be 'like everyone else'.

And don't search only for friends who look like they could be your twin.

Embrace the fact that we are created differently and we have different strengths, weaknesses, streams of thought, and that appearances are only a small part of friendship .

Learn to love that person just as much as you love yourself. 

For who they are.

Maybe you really felt and understood this post. Maybe it reached out to you.
Have you ever had the pressure to change yourself for no reasonable basis? Do you change others so that they will make you look better? Do you see this happen? Comment your thoughts below :)

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For You...

tags: change people's lives, change people's perception of you, change people's view.


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