The Flower of Love Soon Fades But the Flower of Art is Immortal!

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I am a big fan of the work of literary novelist Sheila Heti.

I recently read two of Sheila's books, first Alphabetical Diaries and then How Should a Person Be? 

I usually take notes when I read and I was fascinated to discover that I had unknowingly jotted down two quotes alluding to the same concept in both of her books: 

"For there is only one pleasure that doesn't fade, and that's not love - that's art."

Alphabetical Diaries

"The flower of love soon fades but the flower of art is immortal." 

How Should a Person Be?

Is art more enduring than love? Does love always fade eventually? Let's dissect and analyze these quotes for deeper meaning.

The flower of love soon fades

It's widely understood that intense romantic feelings trigger the same parts of the brain's reward system as the use of substances. 

Research shows that when we’re in love, we often experience increased production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter that is also activated when we experience addiction.

The hormone oxytocin also produces euphoric feelings that are similar to those produced by opiate drugs. 

But just like the crash that follows the addict's high - the honeymoon phase of love is often followed by a stark awakening:

Your partner is not who you thought they were.

And so a "crash" ensues - a crash of all the hopes, dreams, and plans you had together.

In fact, the more intense the honeymoon period, the harder the crash can be. 

Relationships that start fast end fast too.

Why? 

It's a universal pattern - things that begin with great passion or force tend to fade or end quickly.  

This is similar to how a fire that is very hot and bright at the beginning might burn out faster than a slower, steadier flame. 

In the context of relationships, intense early passion can mask fundamental incompatibilities or a lack of genuine connection.

Rushing into intimacy and commitment doesn't allow time to build a solid foundation of mutual respect, trust, shared values, and healthy communication, which can lead to a relationship fizzling out as quickly as it started, leaving both individuals feeling disappointed.

There is only one pleasure that doesn't fade

Many things in our lives come and go. 

There are certain experiences we've had and people we've met who we thought would stay in our lives forever, but they are no longer with us. 

In 101 Essays That Will Change the Way You Think, author Brianna Wiest has a chapter titled "How the People We Once Loved become Strangers Again."

Whenever I see photos or quotes from this book on social media, they're often referencing this chapter.

This chapter has moved a lot of people to tears - myself included, when I read it a couple of years ago. 

Brianna ends the chapter with the following reflection:

"We all start as strangers, but we forget that we rarely choose who ends up a stranger too."

It's interesting to think about how we make people who used to be everything into nothing again. 

The dynamics afterward always tell you more than what the relationship did - grief is a faster teacher than joy.

But here's the thing:

Whenever we experience loss, it ultimately brings us back to ourselves.

It reminds of us who we are.

It reminds us that we brought nothing into the world, and we will take nothing of out it. 

You are the only person you are guaranteed to have with you your whole live. 

It's sad, but it's true. There are no other guarantees.

If anything it's impetus to make your inner world so rich, warm and meaningful that you can stand alone and be okay if something or someone you love dearly is snatched from your life.

You are whole, alone.

The flower of art is immortal

Let's put everything together now: 

There is only one pleasure that doesn't fade, and that's not love - that's art.

According to Heti, art is more enduring than love. 

You can see where she's coming from, even if you just take the statement literally:

Works of art, poems, and paintings that depict love - often endure far longer than the relationships and infatuations that inspired them.

Take for example, the Taj Mahal, the iconic mausoleum in India that symbolizes the eternal love and grief of the Emperor Shah Jahan upon the death of his wife, Mumtaz Mahal. 

Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal were married for 19 years, and yet this representation of their love has lasted for centuries, almost 400 years. 

Love can be an inspiration for great works of art, when a relationship is passionate and sweet, but especially upon its bitter ending.

The sudden demise of an idealized connection can evoke a unique and powerful mix of emotions, including sadness, grief, anger and pain, which can move an artist to a place of artistic insight that they've never had access to before.

In fact, research has found that among great composers like Beethoven, a 37% increase in sadness led to, on average, one extra major composition. 

So as much as we hate heatbreak, it also inspires us. 

The end of a relationship between two people can give life and breath to an entirely new relationship, that of the individual with their higher self, and by extension the rest of the world. 

That's why I personally will never stop taking the risk of love, because I believe with every fibre in my being, that:

"Love is never wasted, for it's value does not rest upon reciprocity." 

- C.S. Lewis 

Thank you for reading. What do you think -  which is more enduring: the flower of art or the flower of love? 

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