Communicate With an Angry Person
– 11 Calm and Clever Ways to Do It

Communicate With An Angry Person In a Calm Way That Shows Insight. It Can Be Done!

According to studies, 45 percent of adults lose their temper regularly and I in 5 has an anger management problem. Being able to communicate with an angry person effectively is a very useful skill! Let’s discuss 8 Calm and Clever Ways that you can communicate with an angry person.


Although you're not the angry person, there are a few steps you can use to diffuse a volatile situation. You can practice a few clever techniques used by mental health nurses when dealing with an emotionally tense patient.

1. Stay Calm Yourself

The first key step is to maintain a calm demeanor and voice, yourself. What do your nonverbal behaviors communicate?  Be aware of your look, your tone.

The way you act and respond can have a huge effect on the emotionally tense person. If they see that you remain composed they may very well try to mirror your behavior and slow down.


2. Should You Attack Back?

The answer? No.

Trying to resolve anger by using anger is never a good strategy. In fact, if you do, it will generally cause the person to become defensive and show increased frustration.

Here are things you should avoid when communicating with an angry person:


  •       Be judgemental
  •       Exaggerate
  •       Criticize
  •       Mock     
  •       Be Sarcastic
  •       Show Contempt

3. Do not Take It Personally

  • Research shows that when people understood that they were not the cause of the other person’s anger, they were not upset by the situation.

This shows that your efforts will be most effective when you do not take things directly or personally. If your team member has received bad news and is taking out his negative feelings on you, be aware of this instead of feeling targeted.


Try to distance yourself from the emotionally charged situation in the sense that you don’t allow yourself to be hurt or provoked by it. 


4. Allow Them To Express Themselves

Another vital step in communicating with an angry person is to let them vent their strong feelings. Allow them to express their thoughts on whatever is bothering them. This can help you get more insight into the root of their anger so you can further deal with the situation.

5. Let Them Know That You Know They're Angry

Let the angry person know that you are aware of their anger. Use the tactic of reflective listening, and demonstrate that you acknowledge their feelings. This is a practical way to connect with the angry person.

  • Use specific clear statements that basically rephrase what the other person has said.
  • Ask questions like, "So are you saying that…?" "Oh, you are mad because…". Repeating back what you hear the angry person say can do a lot to calm the situation. It is like pouring cool water on a fire.  

6. Use Empathy

Use empathy. Think about how you feel when you are angry, and what helps you get back to the right frame of mind. Try to understand things from their point of view, and the emotions they may be battling with.


7. Ask The Right Questions to Reach a Solution

  • Assess the situation and offer to help. Use problem solving with the individual – ask “What will help now?”.

You don’t want to be there forever while they rant, so move the conversation into finding practical solutions. Psychologist Steven Sultanoff explains that ‘Anger is generating energy to get the unfair thing fixed.

  • One of the top reasons people get angry is when they feel they have been wronged. So communicate with an angry person in a way that shows you want to help them feel better about whatever injustice troubles them.

In essence you are saying, “So what do you want me to do about it?”, in a nice way.

8. Maintain Self-Respect

You can maintain self-respect when you communicate with an angry person by not reacting negatively, falling apart or being hurt by taking things personally.

  • You also do this by maintaining a calm demeanor. Avoid power struggles.
  • Pace your response – don’t come out as trying to rush things.

 If you manage to keep it together, the other person is more likely to be respectful to you, even if they are feeling angry.


9. Set Boundaries

You should set limits on what you’ll tolerate.

  • For example you could say: “ I’m willing to listen, but you have to stop shouting at me.” This is a good way to keep things in control when communicating with an angry person.

Even if a person is angry, they have no right to make you feel threatened during the conversation.

 If you call them out on an improper behavior in a way that doesn’t accuse them, it can help the angry person snap out of it and be more reasonable.

10. Don't Crowd The Person

Don’t crowd the individual, give him or her space.

Let the person have space. It’s best for everyone.

11. If  You Feel Your Anger Building Up...

Sometimes despite firm effort on your part,  an angry person may say things in a certain way that just makes you want to burst out or scream.

  • In such a desperate situation you can keep relaxed by taking a break from the conversation and taking a walk.
  •  This is an intelligent method to ensure that when you do interact with the angry person, you can stay calm and cool throughout.


If You Find Yourself Having to Communicate With the Same Angry Person...

Here's a bonus option that will contribute to your peace in the long-term. Most people lose their temper now and again. But if certain people are continuously negative or aggressive, then consider limiting your interactions with them.



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